Monday, October 09, 2006

a cry

i don't know what's been happening with us lately...i definitely have no idea why are things like this..i dont like it,actually. =(
a forwarded txt msg from a friend:
" i was told not to hurt the heart of whom i love so much...
but when i was so busy taking care of that heart,
i never noticed...
my own was slowly dying..."
my friend says it's "bagay" for me...why!?!why can't things be not the same as before?why do people change?why does he have to change when i already like what he was?!what's wrong with keeping attitude that's loved so much?!
right now...i'm in a state of confusion...i wanted to talk and express how i'm feeling yet i'm afraid of what might happen afterwards...i know i can't bear the pain anymore but i know it's more painful if i let go...
they say that i don't haev to cry and waste my tears for the same reason over and over again...but i couldn't help big question is: WHY?!?!
why does it have to be me?why do i deserve to be hurt this way?why do i still keep on holding on?why do i have to do things to make him stay?why do i endure all of these?!?!
it may sound so corny but all these things keep on bugging me...i like somebody else already, because he makes me feel special.there's this connection between us that even if we don't have to say a word, we know what's inside each other's mind...i like him. i like the way he treats me, nothing so special yet different. but at the end of the day, i know that my heart belongs to someone. it's him whom i really's different from liking...i weep for the same person - the person i love.
my friends tell me that i don't have to do things for him to make him stay and love me back..because if he truly loves me, he will stay...i've come to realize this but i know he loves me too. it's just that he can't commit himself. i can't have him. i can just love him. well, love isn't a matter of owning the person - that's how i sourgrape. i just have to extend more...though painful and tiresome. ;(
if we're really not meant for each other, i have to face the fact. but as long as i can still do something about us, i will work on it. i don't easily give up...i won't give up.
unless he tells me so...

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