Saturday, February 02, 2008

Bitter Realities

There are things in life that we realize the depth only until we have suffered. Perhaps, sufferings are part of it but what if I think too much is too much already. Sacrifices are essential for us to know how deep our feelings and emotions are. To have surpassed all the challenges would mean that one has become a stronger person. However, this would also possibly mean that another set of more difficult challenges are coming up.

I would never say to anyone that I am a perfect person but in my own ways, I know I am. I have my bunch of weaknesses but they are less than my strengths to be felt. Yes, I am self-glorifying here. Give me just this time to say something about myself. I have had enough. People tell me how great I am. Ironically, it doesn't show. I do not know about my greatness. All I know is how perfectly imperfect I am.

Work and study. I guess these two things don't go along for me. For how many times, I have wished from the stars to extend at least four more hours on my day. That would make it 28 hours for me to spend eight hours working, eight hours studying and doing org work, eight hours for sleep and extra four hours for eating, getting pretty, looking at life the way I did before.

My vision had been good. I saw rainbows, stars, butterflies and everything nice. Yet the more I looked at them closely, the more I knew that rainbows were only illusions, stars were only rocks floating in space with only some sort of gas producing the sparks, butterflies were insects which I do not like, and not everything was nice. Just like love (yes, love in the Armanic approach) which I realized that the more I held on to something, the more the person wanted to escape from my clutches and go away. Unfair. I find it unfair. Why? That is the question I endlessly ask.

~power of two, mymp song revivals, etc... playing in the office~
~everyone was at kat's despedida dinner~

I am alone here, blogging, doing my work and everything else. They've asked me to come with them. I should but I prefer working. I don't feel like laughing around at people whom I less talk with. I work because I need to work. Now, tears seem struggling to come down from my eyes. I want to cry. I want to express all the weariness and pain in me. The music here in the office doesn't help. I'm just here in the corner, infront of my PC, alone.

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