Thursday, October 02, 2008

And I thought I would not regret

But I did.

What if we shared a class in college? Would we end up like this?

Nah..I don't think so. I'd be one of your guys - your best buds, drinking. That was how it would be - with Bubu, Ronron, Alexis and the rest of the guys from your block.

Yeah. I wouldn't fancy you becoming my boyfriend. You would be one of those who consoled me when I was crying, drunk and depressed.

And I wouldn't fancy you becoming my girlfriend either. I was close friends with my girl blockmates and never I dared trying to hit on one of them.

Ows? There was one.

*giggles* Yeah. There was one.

But it would still be different. By the way, how did you get my number?

Don't ask me. It's one of the mysteries I've been trying to figure out before. I don't know. It just happened that one night, we texted. Nothing fancy though.

I wasn't the type who'd want a textmate, you know. Hehehe!

But still there was one event which brought us closer, right?

Yeah. If not for your invitation for the World Youth Day Cross Vigil in Pelaez Sports Center, things might be different right now. I was frantic about it - me, with you and your fellow ( I shudder to say the word) seminarians. I thought Brigette would be there with Aian and you would have invited other girls as well.

Well, it was only you who accepted my invitation. It was a good thing though. Sharing a DIVINE moment with the girl I'll share the rest of my life with.

So you thought then and there that there was a possibility between you and me?

Not really.

I'd say it in your behalf - NO. Because if so, then you would've brought me home instead of letting me go home alone, tired, sleepy and eyes stinging. I was prepared to collapse at the next corner. Hmp!

Hahah...really? It was just I REALLY cannot bring you home. I can't just leave. It was never a good time for anyone of us to hang out with a girl even. You knew that. It was always like that. I had to see you in secret.

Yes, because the first time we actually dated you didn't also bother going home with me. You left first. I was furious. You left me outside the mall because you had to go home (yes, your home).

But I was able to keep up after that. I made sure that you're safe after I go home. Remember the night at Moorish?

Yes. You asked me a favor to buy you cellphone load. I was attending our Literary Ball. And that night at Moorish was an after-event party. I asked you to come and you did. You, the single Philosophy Major among the brood of English Majors. My professor kept glaring at us.

Sir Arman. He was always that way.

Of course, you talk softly at my ear I could feel goosebumps. You held my hand and you arm was around my back. To think, you weren't my boyfriend.


Yes, yet. You walked me home. Kevin, Philip and RQ gave us questioning looks. Who wouldn't? Your arms were stiff around my waist. I wanted to melt right then and there. And when we were outside my house, you kissed me! And my mom was at the other side of the corner waiting for me!



Of course. Hahaha! You even texted me after a few hours asking what was the kissing all about. You couldn't sleep. I knew it.

Duh! You should be glad I didn't punch you straight in the face.

I was glad that you liked it and you didn't have to punch me. Hahaha!


Yes. If it was the other way around - that you felt awful about the kissing part, why would you accept my invitation for a movie date?

It was just because you owe me one. Because I won in our game. You know, I used to point a finger near your cheek and I'd call your attention and then I poked you. *sighs*

Yes, and there was another movie date.

Only because I liked Drew Barrymoore. *thinking of Music and Lyrics* How did we really get there?

Uhmm...*ponders* (after a few seconds) I asked how we are. (Kumusta man ta?)

What did I say? Exactly.

You asked me if I love you. And I choked. After a minute, I told you that it can't be really love at the moment. We have to build it up first. Then it seemed that you agreed with it and we kissed.

Hmmm...and we went to Coke's place right? It had something to do with your thesis and you had to borrow my flashdisk.

Yes. My group asked me who's that beautiful girl I was with. You were like the sun, shining shimmering splendid. Hahaha!

That was funny. *tongue sticking out* They knew me already.

They asked me if you're my girlfriend. You know how I answered them?

What? or How?

I flashed my biggest smile. Hehehe!

Ows? You didn't. How would I know? I was just outside the house because no one bothered to let me in.

Seriously. They peeked through the door opening to take a second look at you. And we had to leave. I had to bring you home. Then the day after was my thesis defense. I asked you to come with me, for the hope of more inspiration.

I didn't. I was a bit hesitant to be with your group. You know it wouldn't be that easy. My ex boyfriend and my boyfriend, and me in one room.

But still the three of us met at the library. He asked for your flashdisk immediately after I gave it back to you. Then I had to go to San Jose (seminary) to attend the celebration (it was St. Joseph's Feast Day) with my classmates but you didn't feel like coming along with me.

Not with you. With your group. But your words hit me when you said it would be better if we end our almost one-day relationship if I was too hesitant to tell people that I was your girlfriend. It hit me like a lightning and I was able to make it up to you the next day. At school, you looked so handsome in your polo and I suddenly felt the urge to kiss you infront of them - everyone around.

And it was always that way.

*sighs* Yes. We survived college even if we thought it impossible.

*crying* Please, believe me when I say I love you.

*struggling to speak* Yes. When you told me earlier that you have become hesitant to tell me those words because I might not believe anymore, it was the same pain when you told me that we would be better off.

I regret hurting you. I can and will bear all the pain, but when it comes to you, it's a different story.

There's the sun. I can see it. Slowly, though covered by dark clouds, it will take its place and shine like nothing else does.

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