Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Me. Less Spark

I was reading Helga's neurotic rant on how she has matured and is different to her much younger self. This made me, well, sort of evaluate what I always wanted but still haven't done or made today.

My ambition to get a degree in Literature has been ticked off.
My longing to live independently has been crossed out as well.
My dream to live with my boyfriend and go to different places together.

This means only a few things to accomplish before a more mature and complicated chapter gets on - marriage. But you see, the things I'll be mentioning may be few but definitely more liberated than those I earlier did. I have the tendency to pull off a Lily Aldrin - leave an engagement for a dream she has always wanted, getting into a painting fellowship away.

To start with, I've always wanted to get into further studies. Ten years ago, I told myself to proceed to law school immediately after college. College came and made me think twice about it. Thus, my second choice to master Literature at a more reputable university. Whichever of the two choices, at least I'd like to accomplish one even if it means adding or losing four years of my life. How hard it may be, I don't seem to care. I may succeed or fail, at least at the end of the day I can say "I did it". Most of my friends in college are on their third year in law school. Yes, I envy them. Very much. But if it were me, I would still prefer studying in Manila. We have good schools back at home, but there are more opportunities to become an associate or study under more
accomplished firms here.

My next and maybe last in the list requires more than just all my creative and intellectual juices. I want to study abroad. A couple of years ago, I randomly sent application letters to universities and programs I liked. This means attending the British Council seminar on scholarship grants, sending my portfolio to University of Westminster and answering a whole lot of tests from
universities in England, Italy, France and Spain. Even as a kid, I fancy myself having tea with the Queen, watching the princes play polo and going to beautiful museums. Definitely sounds like a dream. But this dream has been made more concrete to me with an email sent from the Admissions Office of the University of Westminster. I have been long listed. They'd like me to find a program to fund my studies, get my travel papers done and many more documents to compile in just less than two months before start of class. Up to this day, the email remains in my most treasured folder. Practically, I asked if I can still apply for next semester or school year. I can and will need to get things done before I send in my letter to them again.

Hopefully when I've decided when I can get things done, I will have the means. I will have the time to become myself even more. I will have the confidence that everything will go the way I've always wanted. I will have that spark, that x-factor, the guts to make all these come true.

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