heart vs mind

for almost three months, my heart battles with my mind. heart says i must tell him he's still inside. mind tells me to stop being stupid and not to lose my pride. sleepless nights i have encountered. when i see him, i want to look at his eyes and find the answer. maybe he knows. but perhaps he's also in question. he avoids my inquiring stare and refuses to talk seriously. he'll just throw jokes, hoping i'll forget about the topic.
when at last i have the chance, i cornered him. it's as if im in a state of high dosage of some prohibited drug or have taken a bucket of beer...but no, i just gathered all the courage to say it right then infron of him. oh yes, i did.
why do i still have to lie and prohibit myself from saying the truth. i already feel enough pain tht i cannot even contain it inside myself anymore. what's more to lose? if he won't accept my so-called proposal, it's his problem then. my face is too thick to feel ashmed of it. at least, thorns have been plucked out of my heart...
on the contrary, he is ok with it. though hesitant with himself for causing too much pain and trouble on me, he still wants me back...
it's good to be bck again...i've never felt better