Thursday, December 27, 2007

I had a drink with me ex and present boyfriend

If stares could kill, they say, I would be in postmortem condition already. Nonoy, Joel and Zaldy were with us. Ryan and I decided to chill out and have some doze of alcohol to celebrate the postponement of two of their Philo exams. Clinton (a part of the past) arrived. I half-expected him to come. He and Ryan used to drink with the same barkada. That was when I was the other's girl then.
Eerie. Clinton and I sat in front of each other, with only the round monobloc table in between us. Ryan sat bes
ide me, with his hand holding mine so tight. I knew what it meant. Expressions hidden in words, discreetly telling another meaning. Perhaps with just a small ignition of heat, the two would indulge in a fist-to-fist match. But it never happened. We simply tried our very best to ignore what had happened.
What did I feel? Uhm...I felt I'm still connected with Clinton, honestly. I never felt any grudge in him,unless I was reminded
of what he had been telling other people about us. What he told them embarrassed the feminine side of me. Those were only half the truth, just to conceal all the pain he felt. I forgave him for that even if he never asked. He was never sorry for all the things he said to me and Ryan. Until now, I could still feel the bitterness in him. But somehow, I still felt I owe him as a friend. I still remembered all the moments we spent together. Somehow I still look forward to going out with him. I even felt sorry for him. I knew what he had been and what he had been doing. Good or bad in other people's eyes, I understood him. It's like I never changed being his bestfriend. I still wanted to give him the hug I used to do. There were still times when I wanted to text him and see him.
Time has changed. Ryan has been very understanding to me. Even if I don't tell him anything, he still knows what runs in my mind. He understands every mistake I commit. Yes, there have been those moments when we argue, but we havent come to a point when we part ways full of grudge. My relationship w
ith Ryan is very ideal. It may not be perfect but it suits me well.
I could not ask for more.

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